When Inconvenience Matters More Than Harm!
Who Really Gets Protected in Our Schools?
What my son's school experience has taught me and a pattern that I can no longer ignore, is that in school settings, it seems that the children who are punished most harshly aren't always the ones causing the most harm — they’re often the ones who create the most inconvenience for adults!
Let me explain what I mean.
When a child disrupts a classroom in a way that directly affects a teacher — whether it’s making a mess, being loud, or drawing unwanted attention — the punishment tends to be swift and severe. But when a child bullies or upsets another student, unless the situation is physically violent and impossible to ignore, the response is often more lenient, more drawn out, or swept under the rug.
We’ve lived this firsthand.
When Blake was five years old, he was suspended for two days after trashing the classroom. He didn’t hurt anyone. He didn’t lash out in anger. He was overstimulated and dysregulated, and yes — the teacher noted he was laughing while doing it. But that laugh wasn’t joy. It was dysregulation. And though no child was harmed, the mess — and the disruption — left a burden on the adults. The teacher had to stay late, clean up, manage the aftermath. And so, he was suspended.
But in that same classroom, another child had physically hit multiple students. Several girls left the class because they didn’t feel safe. Eventually, a second teacher was brought in due to multiple complaints. Yet, that student wasn't suspended. Why? Because although he disrupted other children’s well-being, he didn’t directly inconvenience the adults.
It’s not just our story. I’ve spoken to many other parents who share this frustration. When their child is bullied, even violently, the consequences for the aggressor are often minimal. Yet if a child talks back, slams a door, or causes a mess — something that impacts adults more than students — the consequences escalate quickly.
So, what does this tell us?
It seems to come down to something uncomfortable: ego. When a teacher or administrator is the one directly affected, the emotional response is stronger. They go home bothered. They vent to their families. The disruption lives with them beyond the school day. But bullying that happens between children? That’s easier to compartmentalize. It gets left behind with the last school bell.
It’s a painful realization — that discipline in our schools may sometimes be less about protecting children and more about soothing the adults. When we punish based on inconvenience rather than harm, we teach kids the wrong lesson about justice, empathy, and accountability.
And most importantly, we risk ignoring the children who are truly suffering.
Have you experienced something similar in your school community? Let’s speak up and support each other. Share your story in the comments or send me a message — the more we talk about this, the more we can advocate for real change.
#EnjoyYourSilly
From Momma Vix